Sunday, December 8, 2013

bonjour !

holla , long time no post  hi ! its been a year without post. this year is the busiest year of mine. univ's project, organizations stuff, life-love-friendship-family complicated stuff. all these things drove me crazy, literally. but still, i feel thankful to GOD for this year ups and downs. i learnt a lot of things. i discovered a lot of new stuffs. i saw a lot of precious moments, i met a lot of new people. simply, this year was amazing. tears, laughter, and everything. and here are few photos that represented the moments that i wanted to share with you guys :)


 high school super duper besties reunion .
i've known them for 3 years. some of them even my kindergarten friends. i have shared all of my ups and downs with them. how can i just forget them? i know we were living apart right now. we choose our different path 2 years ago. but it surely won't stop us for being a friend, even a family. i know, we have a strong bond inside and i hope that we will meet each other 50 years from now and still being a best friend.

one of my friend is super duper unique. he is my senior back then. after graduate from senior high school, he went to sydney. he wanted to be a chef. you know what the great part is? he pay for his tuition money by himself. and also he work hard to support his own life there. his mom only paid his first year tuition money. he refuse to being paid for his living cost. he used to be the school most clingy student. everyone is hardly believe that now he is a chef, a great one, through a lot of struggles. he never come home since the first time he went away. but he told me that he will be here this year. no one would ever believe that cause the fact is he didn't. but he promised me. and i trust him. and yes, he's coming home.
we did talked a lot at skype before, but talking with him face to face, like just two of us discussing life together, it feels great. it never cross my mind that he do have an amazing thought about life. he sees life differently. and discussing life with him is like he was helping me out to draw a new perspective in my head. now he is back to sydney. he said that he want to find his treasure, literally.
 once he asked me "where is your end of the world ?" and im just freeze. but too bad we didn't have any picture together it's only skype's screen shoot.
this is findha's
chill out's girl !
chill out on reynard birthday
this were our first time in museum gajah LOL .




undefined . 
well this one, i truly don't know what to say. this is not a love story or what. but this might be the most remarkable moments, not only for this year, but for my life. i do have a lot of male friends. no one has ever caught my attention no matter how handsome or how rich or how nice they are. then i met this guy. we were and are a friend but mental connections are rare and i felt it somewhere inside him.  i found a love. "but love doesn't always find the way that people expected" - (midsummer night's dream) . but anyhow im glad to know him cause i've learnt a lot of lessons through this silly-random-man. and i don't want to be sad, i choose to be happy and glad instead. so, cheers ! he is free to find whatever makes him happy and i will definitely be happy too if only i have the courage to tell him, 
"go, find it".



explore .
i always find it exciting to explore the cities by public transportation, especially train! i don't mind being alone, i don't mind the heat of sun that might tan my skin, i don't mind the sweat, i don't mind the dust all over my country's pollution. i just enjoy it, every second of it. it seems that i was, a little while, running away from reality. i love it when there's no one know my name. it's like i'm free.
and once i went to tanah kusir to visit my angel paramitha octavania by myself. i gave her a letter. she's gone for almost 4 years ago. people might forget, but i'll try to always remember her and visit her regularly.

susu's graveyard , may you rest in peace dear
midnight train back to home . we almost lost this last train . and this guy is the perfect companion for your trip ! 


holiday .

this year remarkable holiday was when i went to malang with my so-called-crazy-best-friend. we found each other from one of univ's event. we work together and we spent holiday together. a lot of laughter and joy. they even took me to bromo. i hate mountain for sure. i hate it's coldness. but anyhow, they took me there.  i was hardly walking and was so slowly moving cause it was chill me to bone, but they patiently waiting, they guide me and warm me up. its just priceless.
once they also took me to dufan. i don't like high-adrenaline-ride. i'm afraid that i might throw up. but they (force) me to play those game like halilintar and else. i hate them for that , i was screaming. but yeah, i did it anyway. and its not bad. i overcome my fear and it's thanks to them. what i wanted to say is that they have that ability to made me doing things that i don't like, they push me to my limit and they prove me that i could do the things that i never thought i could. maybe that is what friends are for.maybe i found my other family.
although now, some of us choose to leave , i appreciate their choice. at least we were family, once. 


bromo
sempu island
sempu island


univ's friend and event 
i did join several univ's event like miss umn and omb and futsal league. it's a great opportunity for me to meet a lot of new people, new friends. they suddenly became a part of my life. its amazing isn't it ? i wish i could show you all of their photos haha.

miss umn photo booth


ritter !
my so-called-dad 
i lost my photos with her :( this is the only one left 






family .
this year we celebrate my sister sweet 17th birthday party. well, she's all grown up. she is my universe. i told her anything, and she always knew anything about me before i even told her what was happening. i don't know how to describe our strong bond. you know what, i really want to be on her side whenever she needs me. i want to guide her to the right path cause she's my universe.
and also my grandmother. her love for me was and is unconditionally pure. she raise me well. my only goal for now on is to pay her all medication cost. she never ask me anything but i want to give her anything that i could just to see her happy, just to make her sleep tight at night. 
my family is not an ordinary family. we through a lot of things. and i'm not praying for an easy life, im just asking GOD for a strength to life this live. 

a rose for my pretty grandma
dea's sweet 17th little party

my baby first day at school .
thanks GOD i was able to accompany my little cousin to his first day at elementary school. i love him. i watched him grew since my aunty gave him a birth. i watched him when he learnt to walk and speak. i sang him a song so that he could sleep at night. i took him to bath, i play with him. i just couldn't imagine how my life would be without him. and that day when i saw him on his first day at school, i was indescribably happy. years past so fast.  

birthday .
and the last, my own birthday. actually days before my birthday, i felt terribly bad. i'm not ready being 21. a lot of responsibility will come in the age of 21. will i be able to do that ? a thoughts like "will i married 5 years from now?" "should i stop wearing my hello kitty and spongebob watch cause i'm grown up?" "will i get a job after i have finished my study in univ?" but time waits for no one. so why worry? 
and also after what i've been trough for this year like what i'd write above, what else can i ask for more? 
this year is might be the hardest but it also the perfect one. i learnt a lot of things about life, love, friendship, and family. what else could be better ? 









Saturday, July 13, 2013

she; the last part .


she let him go , as she removed the grains of sand in her grasp at the beach last week. 
mild south wind carried it off , she don't know which way. 
maybe it's enough , maybe it is time to stop. 
not because she is giving in , not because she is tired. 
it is time to stop because it is simply enough. just enough.
there are no boundaries and there are never a word spoken. 
no statement and no recognition. 
but she know that he will never be sure. 
he also know that she will never be enough. 
then , this delusion has come to an end. yeah it should.
but she will be there no matter what until undefined time .
undefined ?
yes cause she won't say "always" or "forever" .
she knew that there are times for everything.
the words such  always and forever doesn't even exist in her world.
it doesn't mean that she's waiting or hoping or expecting or else.
she just want to be there , as simple as that .
and for the last part ,
she won't looking for any other who's better .
she don't think that there's anyone better .
she don't need someone who's better .
she don't need anything .
she is fine and she is over there .




Wednesday, July 10, 2013

clueless .

do you ever feel like you're clueless about everything ? 
like you can't see which path that you step on and everything's seem so blur . 
you don't know , you just don't know . 
no explanation , no clue , no word , nothing . 
and also there's no hope . 
simply because you're afraid to dream . 
cause you realize that you've had already hang  too much wish on the wishing stars and you afraid that they won't listen any longer cause your every wish is exactly the same .
 but still , they won't listen , they never does . 
that's why you always ask the same thing on your wish .

you don't know where you stand .
you don't know where to go or how life would lead you . 
you don't know what to do for now , tomorrow , or later . 
you don't know how to react .
you don't know how to feel and how it feels . 
you don't know whether you're happy or sad or even worse .
you don't know is it fine or not .

you're just clueless .
what would you do ? 






Monday, July 1, 2013

bodoh


Bagaimana bila menjadi bodoh itu adalah sebuah pilihan yang kamu pilih?

Sama seperti ketika kamu tahu betul bahwa mawar itu berduri namun kamu tetap memetiknya. tangan mu terluka, tapi kamu suka mawar. Kamu hanya mau mawar, bukan bunga lain tak peduli seberapa menariknya bunga lavender, amaryllis, atau ribuan bunga lainnya. Kamu juga tahu betul mawar itu biasa saja. Semua orang selalu beli mawar, semua orang tahu mawar. Apa lebihnya mawar? Populer?  atau lebih tepatnya pasaran? Tapi sekali lagi kamu hanya suka mawar entah untuk alasan apapun  itu. Kamu  suka. Titik.  Apa itu bodoh? Bodoh karena tahu tangan mu akan terluka namun tetap kamu petik? Bodoh karena kamu suka mawar dengan segala kekurangannya tanpa alasan? Atau bodoh karena keduanya?

Tapi pada akhirnya kamu tetap memilih untuk menjadi bodoh. Apa itu salah?

Sunday, March 31, 2013

she .

she doesn't know why , the only thing she know is, it haven't reach 2 months yet. she doesn't know what to do, it is the first time for her and it goes so fast for her. she barely can't see anything in front of her clearly. what she knew was uncertainty of all things that might happen between them. 
she knew from the very start that it will end this way. she knew but she let her self keep on believing that she does meant something for him. she doesn't regret anything. it is still somehow the best for her. it is not and it  will never be his fault anyway. because she is the one who let her self believe, not him. he is perfect in her eyes despite of all what was happened between them. he is just something that she couldn't find in any other man. but like what old saying said; he is too good to be true, at least for her. maybe that fact is the only thing that hurt her.
she wanted to go. she wanted to leave. not running away from him , not running away from reality. she just realize that she needs space to breathe. she needs time to deal with her self before she could deal with him and with reality. she will be back, oh yes, she will. it is something that she should deal with her self because it is not her problem with him but with her heart. and one thing for sure, she won't forget him. she wanted to remember him as the man who came differently and took her heart with his random little things. he is freak, he is different, he is more than anything that she could dream of.